Day 99 in the Limeguy empire..

How do you measure your self-worth?  Do you measure your self-worth? Why is it important in the first place? Maybe this one will wind up in the things that bother me so bin.  Last night was a struggle. I came home from yoga (second day this week) and as you read in last nights blog, I had computer problems. I do this stuff for a living. I could not get the internet to behave. When I heard the cable tv having issues with the sound and the picture, I figured the problem was with Comcast, not my laptop. Today things are back on track like they should be. I need to deal with minor inconveniences better. One of my major “work in progress” things is being more patient with myself and others.

Back to the opening sentences. What, you ask, brought this concept up? Well, I was bored at work, waiting for the clock to hit 5 pm so I could go home. I went on Facebook to see what the rest of the world was doing. I scrolled through the people I’m “friends” with. Reading those that caught my eye, skimming. I’m bored here, not studying for a test. I see a feature that gives me a list of people who my friends are friends with. Maybe it is suggested, I could friend them as well. At this point you probably have figured out that I am not a big user of Facebook. I’ve read far to many negative stories about Facebook and people “re-connecting”. Wink, wink.

I scrolled through the list. I looked at the names, I’m bored, not studying for a test. I keep saying that. Anyway. The names I recognize I look at to see how they are “related” to me. Who are they also friends with. And I scrolled. I friended my youngest son, he accepted me as his friend. I wonder if that was a good idea. I won’t ever post anything on Facebook that will embarrass him.  Scrolling through the list was a little like going to a high school reunion. I went to either my 5 th or 10 th year reunion and have not been back.  There were always easy excuses about not going. I used most of those excuses. I guess the biggest question would be how would my classmates judge me?  Should I care, is my self-worth tied to how the kids I went to high school think I turned out?  How did I turn out?

This empty nest thing has brough home to me how much my perceived self-worth is tied up in the actions of my children. Are they doing well in school? I’m up. Doing poorly, skipping class, I’m down. Has a girlfriend, lost the girlfriend, just a roller coaster.  It has been tough ever since the oldest went away five August’s ago to not tie his success and failures to me and who I am. It makes talking to him difficult since I am anxious/afraid of what the next sentence will bring. 

Enough introspection for tonight. Life update: DS1 called twice today to chat. He is doing well at school. We head out to Wheeling in two weeks for a visit. DS2 had a busy day. We traded two-word texts for about five minutes today. DS3 sent me a picture today. At his school they had pet therapy, dogs on campus, today. I saw this on the school website yesterday and texted him the details. He wants a dog so bad it hurts. He had fun playing with them.  DW and I worked all day. I could say I went to work, I did other people’s jobs today. I will try to get my job back on track next week. Tomorrow I have so work with a customer/friend in Indy.

Namaste is the exchange at the end of yoga class. It has been explained to me as “The eternal light in me acknowledges the eternal light in you”  I like that. We are as one

Namaste

DS3 and his little friend

1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Christina
    Oct 06, 2011 @ 10:39:14

    Thanks for your post. I too struggle with defining success and have just a taste of it with the students. I was so happy and proud of ES1 she got all A’s and one B and was in the high school concert last night. Does that make me successful? ES2 haven’t heard grades, makes me a bit suspicious and anxious.

    Reply

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